Have you ever received one of those silly political questionnaires in the mail?  You know, the kind that has the questions leaning toward one particular party or candidate.

These are questionnaires that ask slanted questions like, “The Democrats hate guns, beat their dogs, and most of them use illegal drugs on Friday nights.  They are also against a missile defense system to protect the United States.  Do you support a missile defense system to keep you and your family from being vaporized?”  

I received one of these questionnaires today.  Of course, the above question was not actually on this questionnaire.  This particular questionnaire came from the Republican National Committee (RNC), but both political parties do it.

On the envelope, it had printed in bold letters on the front:

“DO NOT DESTROY”

Then written near those big words were:

“U.S. MAIL: The enclosed questionnaire is intended solely for the addressee listed and should be opened by the aforementioned only.  Do not bend, fold, tear or mutilate.”

I’m sure glad they are using U.S. Mail.

I was sweating some, because I think I bent the questionnaire a little when opening.  Am I in big trouble?

On the inside, they try to make it seem even more important:

2010 Congressional District Survey
Official Republican Party Document – Do Not Destroy

(I wasn’t born yesterday, but I’m starting to think they must not want the document destroyed)

After that, there were the INSTRUCTIONS.  At the end of the INSTRUCTIONS they write, “…so be certain to answer each question carefully and honestly.”

Uh, huh.

They ask 17 questions with Obama and Pelosi’s names in some questions.  Chris Dodd and Barney Frank even made it into a question.  Congrats to Dodd and Frank for making it into the RNC survey.

Of course, a questionnaire from a political party would not be a questionnaire if they did not ask me to join them, which is a “secret political codeword” for “Send us some money.”

It goes like this:  “YES!  I want to join the RNC’s effort to win control of the U.S. House and U.S Senate in the fast-approaching 2010 mid-term elections….I am enclosing my most generous contribution of:  $500, $250, $100, $50, $25, $___Other.”  They place a circle by each amount to check or shade in.

But if I cannot, for some crazy reason, give:

“I cannot pledge my support for this year, but I would like to include a contribution of $11 to help the RNC fund this survey and its tabulation.”

There’s a circle to check or shade in by this sentence, too.

What?  Golly, I did not ask for this, but they think I’ll give RNC Chairman Michael Steele $11 just for sending me something.  It’s not Christmas.

The problem with political committees and many politicians is they send this junk and it’s multiple pages not to mention a waste of their donor’s money.  This survey was eight pages.

The other day a local candidate put a flyer on my door.  It was ONE page.  One page with nothing on the back, and in black and white.  All his views were written on that one page!  He did not ask for money.  He understands what the RNC does not.  He will get my vote.

Do I want these people, who waste their donor’s money, in charge of taxpayer money?

The RNC, and probably the DNC, could save money (at least $11) if they would fire the people who come up with these silly surveys.  They are probably the same people who call me during dinner, during the game, or when my wife and I are…watching the game.

Finally, on the back page of the RNC survey in big letters, I was warned:

“DO NOT DESTROY”  “COMPLETE AND RETURN IN ENVELOPE PROVIDED”

That’s three times.  Now, I am worried.