Welcome to “Thursday Numbers!” Hold on – there are just a couple days until the weekend! If you are a new visitor, this is my weekly column where I take a look at the numbers that are in the news (in descending order) and provide commentary (sometimes with a little sarcasm).

NOTE: By reading this column you may be able to use the information to impress your family, friends, and co-workers, so consider yourself warned.

This week I write about Crocodile Dundee, Max Baucus, unemployment, Corey Stapleton, the new immigration bill, Manchin-Toomey, Paul Kevin Curtis, government benefits, Nate Montana, DUI, tracking animals, message in a bottle, and much more!

34,000,000

Actor Paul “Crocodile Dundee” Hogan is missing $34 million.

Come to think of it, I’m missing a few million, too!

5,000,000

U.S. Senator Max Baucus has $5 million in his campaign account for his 2014 election.

Baucus will be hard to beat and he will have a big edge in money.

352,000

That’s how many new claims for unemployment were filed last week, which was an increase of 4,000 from the previous week’s revised figure of 348,000.

It’s never good when there’s an increase.

140,000

That’s how much money U.S. Senate candidate Corey Stapleton reportedly raised in the first quarter of 2013.

844

That’s how many pages there are in the new immigration bill (S. 744).

I hope elected officials actually read it…

71

Frank Bank, also known as Clarence “Lumpy” Rutherford of “Leave it to Beaver” fame died yesterday at age 71. RIP.

Lumpy played a bully on the show. It is too bad that today’s bullies are not as nice as Lumpy…

54

That’s how many “Yea” votes the Manchin-Toomey amendment received in the U.S. Senate on Wednesday. Although the amendment received over 50 votes, due to a deal between Democrats and Republicans, it needed 60 votes to pass. The amendment would “protect Second Amendment rights, ensure that all individuals who should be prohibited from buying a firearm are listed in the National Instant Criminal Background Check System, and provide a responsible and consistent background check process.”

Shame on the senate.

47

Christine Faith Baker, 47, told a sheriff’s detective that her fee for sex would be two double cheeseburgers from the dollar menu at McDonald’s.

No fries?

45

Paul Kevin Curtis, 45, of Mississippi was arrested Wednesday and accused of sending letters to President Barack Obama and a senator that tested positive for the poison ricin.

I wonder if he was dumb enough to put his return address on the letters…

28

According to a story from Reuters, “A Canadian man’s message in a bottle honouring his promise to write to a woman named Mary has finally washed ashore 28 years later in Croatia.”

I wonder if the message in the bottle beat regular mail service…

25

The Associated Press reports “A Michigan judge whose smartphone disrupted a hearing in his own courtroom has held himself in contempt and paid $25 for the infraction.”

Nice.

24

That’s how many Internal Revenue Service (IRS) workers “improperly received more than $250,000 in government benefits.”

It’s not like the IRS needed more negative press coverage…

23

Nate Montana is the 23 year old son of former 49ers (and Chiefs) Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana. Nate played one season for the Montana Grizzlies. The Niners asked Nate to attend the team’s local pro day on Wednesday.

Good luck Nate Montana!

13

A Billings (Montana) man is going on trial for his 13th DUI.

Maybe this judge will have the guts to put him away for good unlike previous judges…

2

The U.S. Department of Agriculture is trying for a second time to implement a new livestock identification program that tracks animals.

What’s next – tracking our guns? Implanting tracking chips in us? OMG!

Follow me on Twitter @TheWesternWord

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