It’s funny the stuff I get in the mail. There are credit card applications and plenty of junk mail along with some magazines.

One time my wife signed up to purchase some hosiery through the mail. After a while, she tried to stop the company from sending the hosiery. The hosiery kept coming and coming and then the bills started coming. We received hosiery for months. Finally they stopped after she started mailing the hosiery back and calling them a few times.

We all know about the “free CD/DVD” deals that come in the mail.

A few years ago, my father died and soon after that I was getting mail addressed to him at my address. He lived 1200 miles away. One time I received a phone call for my deceased father and I said in a very distressed voice (kind of screaming), “He’s dead! You have brought back sad memories about his death…how can you do this to me…I LOVED my father?” The person at the other end of the phone was speechless and then apologized profusely.

And then there’s the political stuff…

Just the other day a letter came from the desk of Mary Mataland. She was asking me for money to help Scooter Libby. Mary must not have seen Jack the Blogger’s checkbook lately. I have not written a book or held a high ranking government (or private) position lately. I have not been asked to be on CNN or Fox News either. Mary’s request went into the trash.

Of course, there’s other political mail from both sides that hit my old mail box, especially since I have signed up on-line to hear from most of the Presidential candidates from both parties. I want to be informed…and maybe I’m lonely. I have about 20 Google alerts, too.

I recently received a letter from Laura Bush asking me to send the President a birthday card. His birthday is July 6. The birthday card was enclosed. That was nice. Of course, since the Prez will be 61 years old, they asked me to send $61 dollars (or more if I feel like it). I did not feel like it, so it went into the trash, too.

Why is it that candidates (or their paid campaign people) think I’m going to spend my valuable time reading a four, six, eight or 10 page letter? We all know that at the end of the letter, they are asking for money. It’s kind of like seeing rerun. The letters have certain parts high-lighted or underlined to catch my attention or they have bolded parts, like, “Jack, your $100 donation will help me fight XXXX in Washington” or “bring Montana values to XXXX.”

One time I sent a donation envelope back and I even placed a stamp on it (to save the campaign valuable funds). Inside the envelope, I placed a note. I wrote, “Please notice the stamp on the outside of this envelope. This is the last damned contribution you’ll ever get from me.”

They still call and write.

Speaking of campaigns, I’ve always thought that most “campaign consultants” must be idiots. The candidates hire these folks and pay them thousands of dollars a month and they waste money on sending thousands of people several pages of campaign literature. They eat, drink, travel and stay in nice hotels on the candidate’s dime. What a life.

But, maybe they are not idiots after all? (Note to myself: Check into becoming a campaign consultant)

Just send me a postcard. Send me a one pager with your views on the front and back and donation envelope and I’ll be more inclined to read it. Make it more than two pages and it goes into the trash.

Maybe I should send a letter to all the people I know asking for money. I could say I was running for U.S. Senate, U.S. House, Governor, etc. Heck, I can form an exploratory committee and ask for money to run for President. I’d only keep a million or two and use the excess to stay in nice hotels, eat fine food, and travel.

Yeah, that’s the ticket…